hyrulianblackcat
Full Member
Sephira Phoenix
Hylian[M:60]
The Elvenknight
Posts: 603
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Post by hyrulianblackcat on Apr 13, 2011 22:00:16 GMT -5
Pretty good. You misspelled morning at the very begining, and I think there should be a dash between 'sandal' and 'like'.
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zelda64
New Member
Jacob Kal
Human[M:60]
I like trains.
Posts: 31
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Post by zelda64 on Apr 14, 2011 18:27:58 GMT -5
Chapter One: Time Problems
(Just so you guys know Chapter One takes place five minutes after the prologue)
How could my sword just go right through them? I thought, very confused. I had tried
slashing at the shadowy beings but it just went through them and they didn't seem to notice.
I tried many things, but I couldn't catch their attention. Then I tried warning the villagers, but
they said they didn't see the flame on them and their houses or the shadowy beings. In fact, one of the villagers said that half of me was missing, and as I tried to warn others, they said that they couldn't see most of me. Eventually, no could see me. Then, they noticed how all of their homes had been turned to ashes and that they were quickly turning into ashes also. Many of them tried to get to the well, but all the attempts were in vain. All of the villagers turned into ashes, because of the shadow beings. The shadowy beings surrounded me and then started talking all at the same time. "We are Grudge Shadows, or shadows of people who have grudges sent back in time to rid of the person who the grudge is against. All of our owners have a grudge against you because of something you'll will do in the future. Now, say bye to the light, because you'll be in the darkness in time prison." My vision then went black, as it would be for a long time........
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