Revenge of the Stari

[hyrulianblackcat]

I'm basing this story on my charactor here. I haven't finished it yet, though. Sorry if the chapters are long.


Chapter One

“As is custom for the Stari, you are presented with this cheetah cub. You must raise her, teach her, and befriend her, so that you are halves of a coin.” My father, Chief Balthscar, handed me a cheetah cub as he spoke. She was one of the Stari’s unique breed, having stars instead of plain spots. “You must now name her, so that your bond with each other can be eternal.”
I looked her over, knowing that her name would be important. I saw a pattern on her forehead that looked similar to a shooting star, only it was going down instead of across. “Listen well, cheetah, for I have chosen your name. Hence forth, you are FallenStar.” I spoke with confidence, loudly so everyone gathered could hear my choice.
“As you have named her, you must now choose your own name, to show you are no longer a child.”
I had thought long and hard about this for the past couple weeks. I had made my decision just this morning, when I was called forth for this ceremony. “I shall be known as Sephira Phoenix. Death to my enemies and life to my friends!”
My father touched my forehead with the sacred star stone, a stone that had fallen from the skies. “You are now a huntress. May you live a noble life.”
I bowed my head, and turned to receive the congratulations from all my family and friends. Everyone approved my choices in FallenStar’s name and my own. I listened to all the advise I was given, though I was impatient to start training FallenStar to respond to my calls.
When I finally got a chance to slip away, I started to talk to Star, telling her all the things we would be doing together. Finally, I put her down and started to track something for us to eat. I started whistling a small tune I had come up with when I was younger, when I saw Star react to some of the bars. When I whistled high, she started looking around for danger; when low, she started looking for tracks. I had always wanted to teach my cheetah to respond to something different from the calls the rest of my tribe used. Now I new what I would use. Whistles. I started to experiment, mixing up different notes and watched Star for her reactions to them.
As night fell we returned to camp. I went to the kitchen tent with my rabbits and handed them to the cook. She smiled at Star following behind me. “So, you got your cheetah, hmm?”
“Yes, ma’am, and she is hungry. So is her mistress.”
“Don’t let your father hear you say you’re her mistress. You don’t own her, she’s your friend.”
“Yes, ma’am, I know. I’ll be careful.”
“Good. So are you going to hide away in your forest fortress like you always do?”
“Nope. I’m going to take Star out every day and teach her everything I know.”
The cook smiled. “Which involves hiding in your fortress a lot, doesn’t it?”
“Only when I’m teaching her the commands. I learned how my commands can be unique. She responds to whistles. Please don’t tell anyone, I want it to be our secret for now.”
She looked at me. “Girl, I have kept my name a secret from you for a long time. No one can guess what my secret ingredient is, except you. I think I can keep your whistles a secret.”
I grinned at the mention of our game. Ever since she joined the Stari tribe, she has kept her name a secret from all but a few people. When we met, she had challenged me to figure out who those people were and get her name. I found out who knew her name a long time ago, but I thought it was fun to keep her guessing how long it would take me to find it. And her secret ingredient was wintergreen berries, crushed to shreds. I only knew because I saw her gathering them from my fort. “Of course. Sorry for doubting you. Can I have dinner please?”
Cook smiled back at me. “Of course, you can, little lady.” she said, handing me bowl of her stew.
I scowled while taking the bowl. “I’m a huntress now, not a little lady.” I ate my stew, making sure to save some of the meat for Star.


Chapter Two

I was twelve then. It’s been a year since then. I liked to hunt with Star, and we fast becoming so coordinated that we could tell what the other was doing from a glance. I spent so much time with her instead of the rest of the tribe that my dad was getting…I don’t know, jealous, probably. He would tell me to go hunting with some one else, especially Stratus, the boy he had engaged me to when I was a babe and him a small child. But I didn’t like Stratus, he was stuck up, thought himself superior to everyone else because he was engaged to the chief’s daughter. His cheetah, Bullus, would try to take Star off somewhere when we were together, so that both couples could get alone time. Star’s feelings for Bullus matched mine for Stratus.
So I took refuge in the forest, hunting or tracking with Star. Sometimes we’d fish, tussle, or even just sit under the trees, me composing my songs, she listening and commenting on bars that could do with change. We also went exploring. That’s how we found the hidden stream. No one had ever seen it before and it was abundant in wildlife. We explored the shore so often that the wildlife didn’t run from us. We respected them and didn’t kill any if we could avoid it.
A month after we found the stream, my dad and I had a bad fight. He was wanting me to hang out with people for a change. Yes, our culture’s based of being nature-friendly and understanding it, but you need to get to know your fiancée. You’ll be stuck with him in three years. That’s what he says. But he doesn’t listen when I tell him Stratus is a, well, a pig. A selfish, bratty, stuck-up pig. But Dad won’t listen, so finally Star butted in, pulling me outside, so that Dad can’t blame me for leaving out on a ‘conversation’, if that’s what you want to call it.
We went to the stream, so that I could cool down. I’m only 13 year, but I can get angry really easily, especially with my dad over Stratus. We walked on the stream bank for awhile, commenting that it had falling after the recent spring floods, when we heard a little yip. I looked at Star, knowing she heard it better than I did. “What is it?” I asked.
“A wolf pup, it sounds like. Looking for its mom. It’s down the bank a little way. We are helping it, yes?”
“Of course we are! Why ever would we not?” I asked as I headed in the direction she had pointed. When we got to where the sound originated, we found a cave, dug into the bank, just above the water line. We looked in a found a family of wolves, drowned. Except one pup, who was shivering from cold while trying to nudge its mother awake. I reached into the bag I always carried on my back, tied to my quiver, and pulled out a blanket. I approached the wolf, crooning softly to it, so it wouldn’t try to attack me. I wrapped the blanket around it, then, hugging it to my chest, I hurried back to the camp, straight to Sarah, the cook.
“Good heavens, what are you doing back here so soon and so fast?” she exclaimed as I rushed into her tent.
“I found this wolf cub on the bank. It looks like his family drowned in the flooding. I don’t know if something is wrong with it or how to treat it if there is.” I handed her the pup as I hurriedly explained.
She took one look at the shivering pup, and told me to get it warm, quick. So I snuggled it down between me and Star, in front of the cooking fire. Sarah got a shank of meat and started to tear it into pieces small enough for the pup to swallow. She handed me the pieces to feed it while she got back to work cooking. I fed it, piece by piece. It ate quickly, barely swallowing before grabbing for the next piece. I giggled a little at how fast it was eating, sometimes having to move the piece out of its reach while it finished the one it had.
Finally, it slowed down and lazily snapped up the last piece. By now it was plenty warm, so I lifted it up to see what gender it was. “A boy, huh? You must have been a runt, driven away from your den with the winter hunger. That’s why you’re still alive.”
Sarah looked at me. “You might want to name him, at least while you’re taking care of him.”
I thought for awhile, looking him over. He was black, except for a white belly and a white star on his forehead. “Midnight.” I declared. “That’s your name, young one, for as long as you’re with me.” I smiled at him, happy that I had a male in my life who wasn’t a stubborn bull.

When he was healthy, I took Midnight back to where I found him. I looked him in the eye. “Midnight, this is where I found you. It’s summer, so there won’t be any shortage of food for awhile. I’ll come check on you when Star and I hunt.” I hugged him, then turned back to camp, trying to hide the tears from my eyes. I stopped when something pulled my pant-leg. Looking down, I saw it was Midnight. “I don’t want to live out here alone. I like being with you and Star. Let me stay with you.” he pleaded.
I smiled through my tears, now of happiness, as I hugged him again. “Okay, you can stay with us. But you’ll need to learn my whistle commands, too, and you need to obey them without question. Okay?” Midnight nodded, and we went back to camp together.


Chapter Three

The deer nibbled tree leaves. Star and Midnight stood beside me, tense, waiting to pounce should I miss. My now 15-year-old self stretched my bow to its limit. I took a minute to admire it. I carved it myself when my old one broke and then became Midnight and Star’s chew toy. This one was made from oak, dyed black with white moons and stars carved into it. I sighted down my black arrow at the deer and shot. I got it in the chest. It tried to jump away but collapsed. Star and Midnight leapt forward to make sure it was dead and to keep any potential carnivores. I hurried over to the deer, gutting it so the blood would spill out. As soon as the blood was drained, I picked up the deer, pulling it on to my shoulders and headed towards camp, Star and Midnight walking on either side of me.
But we were not expecting the camp to practically destroyed when we got there. The tents were collapsed, several ripped but still partially standing. There were blood and bodies everywhere. We were shocked at the complete destruction that had occurred in only a few hours. I quickly looked through the bodies, trying to find a survivor or some hint as to who killed my people. But I found nothing, not even a weapon that didn’t belong. Star and Midnight couldn’t find any scent trails or blood splatters to track the attackers by.
Going by the kitchen tent, I heard a cough. Looking over, I saw Sarah sitting up. I ran over, trying to support her. “What happened? Who did this?” I asked.
Sarah coughed again. “I don’t know. The-they came out of <cough> nowhere. They attacked and vanished like smoke. <cough, cough> It was like they knew our weaknesses.” she stopped talking as she had a fit of coughing.
“Sarah, you need to save your energy. I’ll go to the medicine tent. Surely some herbs survived the attack.” I got up to go.
Sarah grabbed my arm. “No. It’s too late for me now, darling.” she wheezed. “You must go and live for us. Stratus wasn’t here, either. You must find him. If he’s still alive, he could be in danger, as are you. Go now, and may the stars watch over you.” With that she closed her eyes and died.
I closed my eyes, trying to stem my tears. There was too much work to do for me to sit here crying. I hardened myself and when I could no longer feel the tears on my eyelids, I got to work. Star and Midnight helped me gather up the bodies for our customary burning, placing the remains of the tents with them. I wandered through the camp, putting food, herbs, and anything else useful into my bag.
We finished around sunset. I looked over the camp. Every indication that the Stari had been here was gone, as is our habit when moving to a new camp. Star and Midnight had buried the blood traces and the ashes from the fires had been spread to the wind. Any food that couldn’t fit in my pack was scattered around for the animals. Weapon were broken and scattered, except my father’s sword, which I kept to melt and remold when I turned 16, as is tradition.
I stood at the edge of the forest and looked back. This was my home. I might not have spent much time here, but it was home. I turned toward the forest and walked, going to the fort I had made as a child. Star and Midnight followed behind me. When we got to the fort, we went in. Star and Midnight ate the meat I gave them, then went to sleep. I couldn’t. I was too distraught. I cried, weeping for my father, Sarah, and everyone of the Stari clan who had been killed. I swore revenge on their murderers, swearing my the sun, moon, and stars that they would pay for the slaughter of my people. I finally fell asleep around dawn.

[hyrulianblackcat]

Alright, here's chapter four. Again, sorry it's long.

Chapter Four

In the distant past, there was a king of Hyrule. He had twin sons, but when it came his time to die, he left the whole kingdom to his favorite son instead of splitting it in half. The other son pleaded with his father to give him some of the land, but he refused. When the king died and the one son became king, the other son begged his brother to give him some of the land. The brother agreed; however, he gave him the forest around Hyrule and told him to guard it. The son was hurt that his brother would give him such worthless land, but he agreed. He took with him his pet cheetah and his friends and went to live in the forest. They learned from the Sheikah how to hide and vanish like smoke. They learned from the Kokiri to communicate with animals and understand the ways of the forest. But they learned the most from the animals. The son’s cheetah was changed slightly as a blessing from the goddesses, so that it now bore starry spots, and all offspring it produced carried this feature. Thus founded the Stari.
Many years later, I now stood at the edge of this forest, about to step into the open fields of Hyrule. The openness scared, as I had lived so long surrounded by trees. I sighed and looked at the sky. The son who had founded our tribe had often associated the goddesses with the bodies of the sky: the sun’s might with Din, the moon’s cool, wise light with Nayrue, and the stars stubbornness to shine of Farore, though I never understood how that one worked. As a result, the Stari often wore some form of the different bodies. I wore, on each of my pointed ears, a stud earring of each a five-pointed star, a moon, and a sun with all its rays extended in swirls. I wore my plain, forest-green, sleeveless tunic, black pants (both form-fitting), a red belt about my waist, and brown boots. My red quiver hung from its strap around my right shoulder and left waist so that my arrows were in reach of my left hand; from the quiver hung my green bag with all its supplies.
I braided my long, dirty-blonde hair, tying it off with a green ribbon, then slung it over my shoulder, it reaching down to my waist. I stood and flexed, then stepped out of the shadows I had known for so long and into the sun. I was glad that Star and Midnight were with me, as the openness of the field made me feel naked. I walked around, trying to get used to the vastness. Star and Midnight felt similar to me, though Midnight seemed slightly more comfortable than me or Star.
I reached a large body of water and saw strange fish creatures swimming around in it. I stopped and watched them for awhile, curious as to what they were, fishing through the stories of my people. Suddenly it dawned on me! These were the Zoras and this was Lake Hylia! I told as much to Star and Midnight, saying these beings were friendly.
Star looked down at them swimming around. “Just because century-old legends say they are friendly doesn’t mean they still are. Be careful around them.”
“True.” I said thoughtfully. “Let’s go down there and watch them for a little while. Then we can determine if they’re friendly or not.” I used my skills to hide in what few shadows there were, Star and Midnight hiding with me. We were just approaching a stream when we heard a scream. Looking up, I saw strange bird-like things diving down at the Zoras. I looked at Star and Midnight, knowing they had better eyes than I.
Star responded first. “They remind me of lizards, but they are more humanoid and have wings.” Midnight seconded her, saying that they were also attacking the Zoras.
Drawing my bow and knocking an arrow, I started to run closer, trying to get close enough to use it. The creatures definitely reminded me of the goldish lizards I used to play with. Seeing them, I was reminded of a legend I had heard about dragons and wondered if that’s what these were. Finally, I was close enough, and shot my arrow, instantly knocking and drawing another. The first hit one creature in the wing, causing it to scream and plummet. Star and Midnight leaped at it, pulling it out of the water to hold on to so it could be question later.
I kept up my attacks until the creatures took flight and fled. I told my friends to keep our captive still, then went to see if the Zoras were okay. They saw me approaching and immediately started to make threatening motions towards me. I put my bow away, then held my hands up, hoping to show them I meant no harm. They relaxed a little, but stayed on edge as I continued to approach.
When I was within easy-speaking range, one Zora spoke up. “That’s far enough, Hylian. What are you doing here?”
I stopped. “I’m not Hylian, but my people are descended from them. I am Sephira. I am searching for the murderer of my people.”
The Zoras muttered at the last bit. The first one spoke up again. “There is no murderer here, except you and your friends.”
“What friends?” I responded with genuine confusion.
“Those lizards. They have been attacking us recently. Now you appear at the same time they attack. What are we supposed to think, that it’s a coincidence?” the Zora said, angrily.
I held my hands up. “I have never seen those things before, I swear by the sun, moon, and stars, I had nothing to do with them. If I did why would I almost empty my quiver on them? Why would I capture one?”
The Zora was surprised when I mentioned my captive. “You captured one? Why would you do that?”
I sighed. “Exactly my point. I only take prisoners when I benefit from it in some way. By capturing this one, I mean to learn about these things.” I then whistled loudly for Star and Midnight to bring the captive along.
The Zoras looked around warily, expecting another attack I think, but I just ignored them, watching only the Zora who had been speaking until now. When Midnight and Star appeared, each holding a wrist of the captive in their mouth, he looked shocked, apparently amazed that I had captured one. Star and Midnight kept a tight hold on the captive, even when he tried to fly and managed to, until their weight brought him down again.
The Zora stepped up to me, bowing his head slightly. “I apologize for my harsh words. I did not realize you commanded one of the star-pelted ones. I am Ray, second-in-command to King Zora.”
So that was what he was amazed about. I thought. The Stari must be mentioned in some legends here. I stepped back as Ray approached the captive. “Alright, you, talk. What are you and why have you been attacking us?” Ray snapped at him.
The lizard smirked. “I am a Dracomo. We are here to wipe out all inferior beings.”
I could tell that this response angered Ray, so I signaled to Star. Gold blood gushed out of her mouth as she bit down harder. Ray jumped as the Dracomo screeched and tried to throw Star off, then he steeled himself and said coolly, “We aren’t inferior or you would have wiped us out a long time ago. Nor would you have gotten captured. Where are you from?”
The Dracomo refused to answer. I stepped closer to it and leaned in so close I could smell its rancid breathe. “Listen to me, beast. I command these two creatures. I could tell them to rip you to pieces and they would do it without thinking. I just have to twitch and you’ll be missing a finger, a hand, an arm, or whatever else I feel like taking. So if you want to stay whole, you will answer are questions.” I stepped away, my warning delivered.
The Dracomo looked scared but remained tight-lipped, so I signaled to Midnight. He bit down, spat something out, then resumed his grip on its wrist. I knelt down to pick up the finger as the Dracomo screamed and examined it. It looked similar to mine, only it was scaly and curved into claws. “Interesting. I think I’ll keep this.” I said as I tucked it into my belt.
Ray and the other Zora stared at me, repulsed by my actions. Ray, however, decided that he would take advantage of it. He looked the Dracomo in the eye. “Tell us what we want to know and we’ll end your suffering. Who is your leader? Where do you come from? When are you going to actually attack instead of these paltry raids?”
The Dracomo whimpered in pain. “Our leader is some human who subdued us a few years ago. He bound us to his will with dark magics. We hail from the desert, near the dark-skinned humans. I don’t know when we’ll attack, I swear.”
Ray nodded at this knowledge. “One last question. Do your kind have any powers of any sort.” When the Dracomo looked confused, Ray elaborated, “Can you breathe fire or something like that?”
The Dracomo hesitated, then shook its head. That might have been all, if I hadn’t been versed in reading body language. I could tell it was lying. “Are you sure about that?” I said with a dangerous gleam in my eyes.
The Dracomo saw it and cowered slightly. “Alright, alright! I’ll tell you! We can change our forms. We’ve often hidden from our prey that way. I swear that’s all!” It broke down crying.
Ray looked at me, then back at the beast. “Alright, let it go, we need to treat its wounds.”
I signaled to Star and Midnight to let it go, then turned my back and led them to the water line. Star and Midnight both gulped water down to wash the blood out of their mouths. I apologized to them for the act I had carried out for the Dracomo’s benefit.


In future chapters, may I use your chactors on here? It will shorten the time I take to write this.

[hyrulianblackcat]

Here's chapter five. Not as long as the last one, but still long.


Chapter Five

We were making are way through Hyrule field, looking for a good spot for a base camp. Ray had offered to introduce us to King Zora and get us a room in Zora’s Domain, but I politely refused. I didn’t like being around people much, even the ones from legends. I also didn’t like the stares I had already been subjected to and didn’t want any more if I could help it. We found a couple trees growing near a stream and decided to camp there. Midnight and Star ran to catch rabbits, while I built a fire. I was a little uncomfortable at the thought of sleeping in the open, but I knew Midnight and Star would wake me if anyone approached.
I sat there, watching the sunset. It was a really pretty today. I thought about my people, about how they were missing this beautiful sunset, and I broke down in tears. I cried for all the spilt blood that had been wasted. I wished I knew who or what did it.
I wiped my tears when I saw Midnight and Star approaching. They carried two plump rabbits each. I took them, skinned them, and quartered them. Sticking my steaks over the fire, I gave the rest to Midnight and Star. They waited patiently for my dinner to be ready before they started eating. I ate quickly, though I barely tasted it. I then set to work carving new arrows, since I had lost most of mine on those Dracomos.
Afterwards I put out the fire and lay down, trying to sleep, but I couldn’t, I was too restless. I got up and paced around for awhile, then lay down and looked at the stars. Seeing them twinkle and sparkle helped calm me down. It also inspired me to write another song, this one a lullaby. I hummed it softly to myself, replacing bits that needed replacing. Pretty soon, I fell asleep.

I jerked awake, then wondered what had woken me. The moon was about to dip below horizon. I looked around. Midnight was sound asleep, but Star was also awake. She was sitting next to Midnight, looking around. “What is it, Star? Do you smell something?” I whispered.
Star continued to look around. I could just make out her nostrils twitching and her ears swiveling as she tried to sense something. Finally she turned her head slightly towards the forest , near where we had left it by. “I smell something. I think it’s Stari. But I thought they had all been killed?” she said, confused.
I stood up, grabbing my bow and knocking an arrow. “I thought so too. Let’s go check it out.” Star nudged Midnight awake, and we headed over there, hiding in the shadows when we could. We hadn’t gone far when Midnight growled, crouching down into the grass. Star had a different reaction, though. She made motion with her head that implied that she rolled her eyes. I looked at her. “What’s up?”
She looked at me with an annoyed expression. “Of course the only star cheetah to survive would be Bullus. And the only Stari would be Stratus.”
I sighed with relief. I put my arrow away, then uttered a shriek that sounded like a hawk. Pausing, I heard an answering shriek slightly to our left. Turning, Star and I headed over there, Midnight tailed behind us. We soon saw the outlines of Strattus and Bullus next to him. They hurried towards us. Strattus swept me into his arms and started to kiss me. Laughing, I pushed him off. “Easy there, tiger. I’m glad to see you’re alive.”
“And I you. What happened? I came back to the camp and it was gone. I found the remnants of the weapons and Bullus smelled smoke.”
I looked at the two cheetahs. Bullus was weaving around Star, who was sitting still and purring. We might not like the two very much but they were better than being alone. “Something came along and destroyed the whole camp. Everyone was dead. Midnight and Star couldn’t scent anything out of the ordinary. I did what we always do when we move on.”
Stratus nodded slowly, then pulled me into his arms. “I’m so sorry. If only I had been there, I might have been able to do something. I’m sorry that we couldn’t do anything.”
I pushed Stratus away. “Thanks, but I don’t need your apologies, I want the person responsible. I won’t allow my emotions to distract me. I’ll cry for the Stari after I have the murderer’s head.” I said it with such feeling, Starrus actually stepped back.
Midnight bumped me. “You must calm down. If you have too much anger, you will get yourself killed.”
I took a deep breathe, nodding. I patted his head. “I know, Midnight. I’ll be careful.”
Star looked at me. “I hope so. I don’t want you to turn into the person you showed earlier.”
Stratus looked up at that. “What are they talking about?”
I sighed. “Come on. I’ll take you to the camp we made, and fill you in.” I turned around and led everyone back to our camp. I light the fire and told Stratus what had happened since I found the camp. He was amazed at what I did to the Dracomo. He was equally surprised that Midnight and Star went along with it. “Why?” he asked them after I finished.
“Because we knew what she was after, and we approved. We didn’t like her means, but we trust her.” Star answered for them both.
Stratus shook his head. “Why can’t you trust me that much, Bullus?” he asked jokingly. Bullus was never good at following orders. I always felt it was because the two of them didn’t train together. Bullus was trained by Sratus’s father for a year before Stratus got him.
“It doesn’t matter,” I said quickly, hoping to prevent the fight that was sure to follow. “Let’s sleep for now. We can discuss what we’re going to do in the morning.” With that I laid down on my side, back to the fire. Stratus came over to snuggle with me, but Midnight beat him to me. I smiled to myself at the rivalry the two had had since I started training Midnight, it had spared me many uncomfortable nights with my fiancée. I was still smiling when I fell asleep.

[hyrulianblackcat]

Well, chapter six flowed really easily, now didn't it. Still a little long though.

Chapter Six

“I think those people who killed the Stari did us a favor.”
I stared at Stratus. It was the next morning. Star and Bullus had caught fish for breakfast, which we were just finishing eating. Star also recoiled at what Stratus had just said. “How can you say that? They were are family!” I said.
Stratus looked at me. “They were too set in old traditions. How else could they have been so easily killed?”
“Because the enemy knew enough about us to destroy us.” I answered quickly.
Stratus shook his head. “No, Sephira. I’ve always told the elders that we must advance, grow stronger, take the land rightfully ours. They never listened and now they’re all dead.”
Star hissed. “And what about my brothers and sisters? They are all dead as well!”
Bullus turned to her. “They never tried to convince the elders otherwise. They are as much to blame as the elders.”
Midnight listened as we four argued back and forth for the next several minutes, never taking sides, never commenting, until I was at the point of drawing my sword and running Stratus through. Then he stepped in. “Stratus, if I didn’t know better, I’d say you were the one to lead the enemy to the Stari.”
Everyone went deathly quiet as we turned to Stratus. He shrugged. “I didn’t, but I’d love to meet the people who did. I want to congratulate them on such an overwhelming victory.”
Something didn’t seem right about the way he said that. Some expression he made, somewhere he looked, some motion he made…Or lack of it! That’s what was off! He didn’t have any emotion on his face, not did he make any motions. “Liar! You know who attacked the Stari!” I yelled at him.
He looked at me coolly. “No, Sephira. I don’t know who attacked them. I know what, how, and why.”
I stared at him in shock. “Tell me.” I demanded, though my voice made it sound more like a plea.
Stratus looked at me. “The Dracomos attacked them. They used their shape-shifting abilities to get into the middle of the tribe. The Stari didn’t stand a chance.”
“And the why?” I asked, my voice almost too quite to be heard, for I could guess the reason. Stratus was one of few with the gift to control dull-witted animals with his mind, and the Dracomo struck me as dull-witted.
Stratus smiled as he guessed my line of thought. “Yes, I ordered them to. The Stari were too set in their ways, they weren’t going to change for any reason. So I purged them. I wiped them away so I ccould start over. I was surprised to see you survived, but delighted also. Now Bullus will be able to have a proper star cheetah as a mate, and I’ll be able to start over without have to dilute the true Stari blood.”
I could barely believe my ears. I never liked Stratus, but to think he could do this! All for a childish scheme. “And what are you going to do after you’ve repopulated our forests?”
“I’m going to see if this Triforce from the legends is real. If it is, I’ll use it to take over the world. Come with me, my sweet, and I’ll make you queen of whatever you want”
I stared at him, disgusted. “I’ll never come with you. I never liked you, and now I see I was right to refuse to like your company. You sick bastard, how could you kill some many, and want to kill more, all for a plan that’s never going to work?”
Stratus laughed. Before he answered, Midnight growled, whirling to face the east. I looked and saw many black dots. “I take it that’s your ride back?” I hissed at Stratus.
He smiled at me. “Yes it is. Last chance, sweet, are you coming with me or do my pets get a new friend?”
“I’d rather be eaten alive than help you in your mad quest.” I hissed as five Dracomo landed.
Stratus sighed. “Very well, Sephira. I wish it could have been otherwise.” He stepped over to one of the Dracomo, as did Bullus. The two Dracomos took flight and started circling us, no doubt so Stratus could see our demise. The three Dracomos still here attacked, one to each person.
Star and Midnight fought off their attackers, taking turns to hit the blind spots of the other’s. I drew my father’s sword and attacked the one facing me. The hilt was made for bigger hands and the sword was too long and heavy, but it was that or my bow, which wouldn’t work well in close-ranged combat. I feinted to the left, but the sword was off-balanced so I wasn’t fast enough to bring it around fast enough. I fought the Dracomo hard, but the sword was more of a hindrance than a help being so off-balanced. I was scratched and bleeding from several places on my sides and back. I turned and finally managed to get under the Dracomo’s guard. I shoved the sword through his heart as far as I could. Unfortunately, I was now extremely close to the Dracomo. He laid my back open with his claws before falling down dead.
Midnight and Star were just finishing off their Dracomos as well. I looked up at the sky and saw that Stratus had left. Oh, well. I survived, that’s all that matters. I thought to myself. With that, I collapsed.

[hyrulianblackcat]

This chapter's shorter than the others.

Chapter Seven

I woke up to my throbbing back. Groaning, I tried to get up but was quickly pushed back down. “You’ll tear your back open again if you do that too soon.” a voice said.
I was lying on my back so I couldn’t see who was speaking, but I had a feeling he was a friend. I relaxed as he continued to rub something into my back. After a while, the throbbing faded and he let me sit up. I looked at him. He was a tall, muscular human. I could tell he was human because he didn’t have the pointed ears. He had blue eyes. His reddish-brown hair was pulled back into a ponytail. He was wearing a sky-blue tunic that matched his eyes to perfection. He also had on black leggings and combat boots. From his black belt hung a long sword and I could see arrows peaking out over shoulder.
I heard a whinny and turned to see what it was. I saw a beautiful chestnut mare speaking with Star. Midnight was sleeping near-by. I couldn’t tell what she was saying, as I had never learned horse. I could guess roughly what she was saying from Star’s responses. It sounded like she was asking about our history and Star was refusing until I woke up. I groaned at my sore muscles, which brought their attention to me. Star hurried over, skidding to a stop right next to me. She started nuzzling me all over, making sure I was okay. I hastily reassured her I was.
Star sighed. “Thank the goddesses. I was so worried when I saw you collapse, and this human showed up. We tried to keep him away, but his horse was insistent that he could help. So we backed off, but I know you don’t trust strangers, so I wasn‘t sure what you‘d say when you woke up.”
I rubbed her behind her ears. “You did right. If he hadn’t treated my back, I might have bled to death. Don’t be upset.”
“You can understand it?” the human asked, amazed, it seemed.
I looked at him, confused. “Yes, can’t you?”
The human shook his head. “I wish. It would make it so much easier to understand what Bree is saying sometimes.”
“Bree. Is that the horse’s name?”
The human looked at the horse fondly. “Yes, it is. She been with me for a couple years now. Mine’s Hillysu.”
I put my fist over my heart. “Sephira Phoenix, of the Stari, daughter of Chief Balthscar. This is FallenStar, my star cheetah partner, and Midnight, a wolf I adopted.”
Hillysu looked at me funny. “I’ve never heard of the Stari. Where are they from?”
I bowed my head. “They used to be from the forest borders. Now only I remain.”
Hillysu looked at me sympathetically. “I’m so-…”
“Don’t give me your sympathy!” I snapped out. “All I want is revenge on the one killed the Stari.”
Hillysu looked at with surprise. “Such a young girl to be after someone who killed your whole tribe. And all by yourself? You’ll get killed pretty quickly.”
I looked to the west, where the Dracomos had come from. “I know who it was, I know how he did it, and I know where he lives. I know what I’m up against and I’m not alone.”
“Well, you’re not going anywhere with those wounds. You need to rest up. Here I can take you to town, so you can rest properly.” Hillysu extended his hand to me. I took it and stood. I turned to Midnight and whistled. Midnight jerked awake, looked around, and yawned when he saw it was me. He stood up, stretched, and walked over to me.
I turned back to Hillysu. “Thank you for treating my wounds. I will not forget it. However, I must not let Stratus get away. I must satisfied the angry ghosts of my tribe.” I bowed slightly, then, whistling for Star and Midnight to follow, I started to walk towards the home of the Dracomos.

[hyrulianblackcat]

Here's the next chapter.

Chapter Eight

We arrived at a river a few hours later. Stretching across it was a wooden bridge. On the other bank was a gate, guarding which was a dark-skinned, redhead woman. Looking at her, I shifted through the Stari’s legends until I recognized what race she was. Gerudo, the race of all female thieves that live in the desert. I knew they didn’t take well to men in their Fortress, but I was a woman, same as Star. Midnight might be able to slip in without the Gerudo being upset, though he’d be hotter than me or Star because of his dark coat.
I walked up to the Gerudo and requested entry. She looked me over (even made sure my breasts were real!) before allowing us in. Inside was a large rock building. It looked like the Gerudo had carved their homes into a cliff of some sort. I saw several Gerudo, but I was not interested in them. All I was wanting was to find the home of the Dracomos and kill Stratus.
I asked a Gerudo for directions to the Dracomos. She told me that they lived deep in the desert, but that no one had been able to get to them. I mentioned that someone I knew had done so, and she looked at me with surprise, especially when I mentioned it was a he. She told me that no male had gone through their Fortress in years, so he couldn’t have come through here. And this was the only known entrance to the desert.
I pondered this as I went through the outer exit of the Fortress. I paused a moment to put on my black cloak with its white stars. It might make me hot, but it would also protect me from the sun and might help retain moisture. The three of us kept moving forward. I kept my eyes peeled for any sign of the Dracomos, though all I saw was heat glimmers.

We had only been walking a few hours when the sun started to dip below the horizon. I stopped and started to make camp. I chose a spot sheltered from any wind that might spring up, and pulled food out of my pack. I feed Midnight and Star, then ate what I could. I drank sparingly from my water skin, then laid down, snuggling with Midnight and Star so that my cloak could protect all of us from any sand moved by the wind.
I tried to sleep, but my mind was too crowded with other thoughts. Stratus’s betrayal, my wound from the Dracomo, the clumsiness of my father’s sword, Hillysu, his horse Bree, the Gerudo, so many thoughts. I stood up, trying not to disturb my sleeping animals. I walked around a bit, though I kept in sight of my pets.
I hadn’t gone far when I saw some trees. Curious, I wandered to them. It looked like the forest that I grew up in. There was the stream where I found Midnight, there was the clearing where I had built my fort, and there was where I had shot the deer. I hurried to where our camp was set up. I found in shambles, like the last time I had been here. Everything a wreck, everyone dead. But this time, I could see the Dracomos moving around the camp, looking for living Stari. I saw two Dracomos fighting over a Stari’s body until they ripped it in two.
I couldn’t stand it any longer. I drew my father’s sword, clumsy though it is, and attacked them. The sword sliced right through one, and just like that, they all vanished, everything. I looked around, confused. All I saw was sand. And lots of it. I walked back to where Midnight and Star slept and laid down, still dazed. I realized it was a hallucination, but it had seemed so vivid. I wiped my eyes. Seeing the last moments of my people was upsetting. I sighed, then closed my eyes and tried to sleep.

[hyrulianblackcat]

Here's chapter nine. Hope you enjoy it.

Chapter Nine

The desert is a difficult place to traverse if you aren’t prepared. I wasn’t prepared. We were almost out of water, and there was no sign of any Dracomos. I prayed to the goddesses that I wouldn’t die here with my mission unfulfilled.
Midnight whined for some more water. I pulled out my canteen and shook it. I could here the water moving around, but it didn’t sound like there was much more left. I sighed and glanced up to determine the time. It had been only a hour since we last stopped for water, but already my mouth was dry. I opened the canteen and took a small mouthful of water, then tipped the rest into Star and Midnight’s mouths. There was just enough for a mouthful each. I stoppered the canteen again and put it back in my pack, hoping that we would find a oasis soon.

We had been traveling for two hours since our water ran out when we saw shadows up ahead. It looked like something was flying over the sand. Looking up, I saw what looked like four Dracomos. I drew my bow and knocked an arrow. I tried to shoot one down, but the sun had made my eyes blurry. I missed and alerted them to our presence. I glanced at Star and Midnight. Both were just as eager to get out of the sun as I was. I put my bow up, then lifted my arms in surrender, something I had never done before, nor thought I’d ever do.
The Dracomos landed in front of us. They were surprised when they saw my raised arms and I told them I was surrendering. They glanced at each other, then looked at one, who appeared to be leader. He told the others to pick us three up. They did so, though Star and Midnight didn’t like it very much. Two of them carried me , one holding my arms, the other my legs, as they were afraid I’d fight back. They took off into the sky, angling to catch any thermals as they headed north by northwest.
We soon approached a large cliff, with many caves dug into it. All the caves were large, several with Dracomo children playing in front of them. On top the cliff sat what appeared to be a palace, also made rock. It looked like it carved straight out of the cliff itself. There were many terraces and Dracomo guards flying around over head.
It was interesting to see that Dracomos came in more colors than the gold we had been seeing. Some were brown, while others were red. I saw a few black ones, all of which were sleeping. I guessed that they were colored brightly to attract mates, yet dull enough to still blend into the desert while hunting.
The Dracomos carrying us set us down on one of the terraces of the palace. The two holding Star and Midnight let them go, though the two holding me just switched their hold to my arms. A red Dracomo greeted our guards, who told him about finding me. He nodded thoughtfully, then turned and led us further into the palace.
It was plainly decorated, just pictures of dragons and Dracomos beating humans. It was like walking through a history book. Sometimes the humans won. Sometimes the dragons fought with their humanoid counter-parts. It always randomed who the victor was in the fights. Towards the end of the hallway, it showed the dragons being defeated and banished to a volcano. I assumed it was Death Mountain from my store of legends.
We walked into a small room. It was sparsely furnished. A suit of armor stood on a stand against one wall. The center of the floor was traced out as a training area for battle. The walls had several tapestries, each depicting, guess who, Stratus in various battle positions. Bullus was in a few of them. I was surprised to see myself in a large one decorating the wall opposite the door. We were standing back-to-back with swords drawn, facing an enemy not depicted.
The wall I was facing on the tapestry was open, leading onto another terrace. In the opening of that terrace was a golden lounge chair. Lounging on it was Stratus, sipping a drink. Bullus was stretched across the ground next to him, gnawing on a bone. Our guide walked over to Stratus, leaned over, and whispered in his ear. Stratus broke into a grin as the Dracomo, his message delivered, bowed and left.
Stratus stood up and turned to me, signaling the two holding my arms to let go. They did so and Stratus swept me into a hug, during which he attempted to kiss me. My reaction was much more violent than the last time. I slapped him and shoved him off. The Dracomos stepped forward, to teach me some manners I assume, but Stratus waved them off, rubbing at his jaw and pulling a hurt look. “That’s how you greet your lover?”
I laughed hollowly. “Lover? I’ve never loved you, even before I knew the truth. I always despised you, even when I was too young to know what betrothed means. Lover? Not a chance!”
Stratus scowled. “I was hoping you’d changed your mind. Why would you feel so poorly to me?”
I glared at him. “Maybe because of your snotty attitude. You mistreated even Bullus. You always felt you were superior to everyone else just because you were engaged to the chief’s daughter. I never liked that about you.”
Stratus sighed. “That’s it, I guess. I have no choice. We are enemies. I wish it were otherwise, I would have enjoyed having you as my queen.”
I hissed at him. “You should have considered that before killing my people.”
Stratus looked down. “I thought you were see reason. The Stari were weak, I thought you saw that. I see I was mistaken. Very well.” He turned to one of the Dracomos. “Feed and water her and her animals. Tonight, when the moon flies high, turn them out into the desert. Tomorrow, you and your brethren will hunt!” The Dracomos cheered as they led us away.

[wdw4]

youve gotten kinda gross at times but yeah all around its a good book

[hyrulianblackcat]

I have? Where? I've been trying to keep the gross factor down while keeping the excitement up.
Well, here's chapter eleven. I switched viewpoints, in case you don't notice right away.


Chapter Eleven

Bree stretched her legs out for a full gallop. I loved it when she did this, as it made me feel free. Ever since I ran away from home, I took every opportunity to enjoy my new freedom. My smile faded as I thought about home. My mother had died in labor with my sister, when I was 13. I took good care of my four sisters and two brothers, using my inborn gift of healing to earn money. My father worked also, unfortunately, he would spend the money he earned on wine and ale. He would work much of the day, go to the local tavern, get wasted, then come home and beat on Mom and my sisters. I would try to protect them, but I was never strong enough. Finally it was too much and I ran away. I stayed with my mom’s parents, learning swordsmanship from Grandfather, and helping people around the village. Kakariko still speaks of me a miracle-worker, because I could heal what other doctors thought impossible.
I was 16 when I finished my training and left. I found Bree not long after, a poor horse whose owner had pushed too hard. I bought her off him and nursed her to health. We pretty much became inseparable. We journeyed across the length of Hyrule, healing and helping who we could. I never asked for payment, which seemed to get me more money than I needed. I often sent some of my earnings to my grandparents, to be given to my oldest sibling.
Bree snorted and I snapped back to the present. We were near a cliff, I believe it’s the one that separates Hyrule Field from Gerudo Desert. Looking around, I couldn’t see what Bree was upset over, until I looked up. I could see specks flying around. It looked like they were attacking something standing on the edge. I shrugged, about to turn Bree away, when I saw something start to fall down. I had Bree back up so whatever it was wouldn’t hit us.
It crashed in front of us. The specks above us flew away. I got off Bree to see what it was the fell off. It was a weird dragon-like thing, but it looked almost humanoid. Its wings were holding something to its chest, so I moved them. I saw that girl from before. What was her name? Oh, yeah, Sephira Phoenix, last of the Stari. I was certain she was dead, but I saw her eyelids flutter before closing firmly. I checked her pulse. It was a little fast and erratic, but I shouldn’t have been surprised. She must be pumping from adrenaline from that fall. I checked her over. She had cracked several ribs, and it felt like she snapped her right arm and left leg.
“This is too much for me too heal with my power,” I muttered to Bree. I reached into her saddlebags and pulled out various herbs and bandages. I set her arm and leg, fashioned a split for her leg, and cast for her arm. I bandaged her ribs as best I could, then pulled her onto Bree. I looked around. “I wonder where her wolf and cheetah are,” I muttered to Bree.
Bree snorted, bumped me, then pointed with her muzzle. I looked to where she was pointing. Two of the dragon creatures were diving at something on the cliff again. This thing didn’t fall down, though, it jumped, and seemed to bounce of the edge of the cliff. I winced, that would break some bones. However, it broke the fall into enough smaller ones that it would live. Pretty soon it landed right on top of the dragon thing in front of me. It turned out to be two things, a wolf and cheetah, both so dirty, I almost didn’t realize they were Sephira’s two.
They both lay dazed for awhile, but the wolf recovered quickly. He stood up, shook his coat, then caught my scent. He growled at me, his hackles rising, until he saw Bree and her cargo. He cocked his head, breathing deep. He was still puzzling over me when the cheetah recovered. She shook her head and staggered to her feet, keeping one paw close to her body. The wolf nudged her over, trying to see if she was hurt any where, I guessed.
I knelt down near them. The wolf growled at me, stepping between me and the cheetah, who hissed. I lifted my hands, trying to show them I didn’t mean to hurt them. “It’s okay,” I told them, hoping that if Sephira could understand them, they could understand me. “I just want to make sure you two are okay, and that your mistress recovers. Do you understand?”
The cheetah nodded her head slowly, while the wolf cocked his head. I took this to mean they did understand. I looked directly at the wolf. “Are you okay?” He carefully shifted parts of his body, as if checking for himself. After a little while, he stopped and looked right back at me. He nodded slowly. I turned to the cheetah. “I can see your leg hurts. Does anywhere else?” She answered right away with a shake of her head. “May I look at your leg?” She hesitated, then limped over to me and handed me her paw.
I took it gently and started fingering it. “It’s alright, it’s just sprained. You’re lucky. It should have been much worse.” Concentrating, I healed it with my ability. The cheetah pulled back almost before I finished. I always forgot how weird it felt to be healed so suddenly. The cheetah walked a few hesitant steps, then broke into a full run. She skidded to a stop next to the wolf and looked at me curiously. I smiled at her. “I am able to heal sicknesses and some minor injuries. It’s a gift I got from my mom.”
The wolf glanced at Sephira, a question in his eyes. I guessed what it was. “I can’t heal her. Bones are outside my range of influence. I do know someone who can keep an eye on her while she heals. Come on.” I stood up and dusted my pants off. I took Bree’s reins and guided the group to Hyrule Castle Town, where my friend Samara could take care of Sephira.

[wdw4]

(well lets see here they checked to c if your breast was real wen u went into the desert and youve had a lot more bodypart choping than my alltime favorite novel LOTR

[hyrulianblackcat]

Well, how else are they going to make certain she's a real girl? And I don't have that much body-chopping, not compared to how much talking I have.

[elliotk]

This review is based on your chapters 1-10 since I haven't read 11 yet =d

The way I see this written is like its in a form of diary entries since the writing seems more like a summation of Sephira’s daily events. For one example, the pacing from Sephira and co. hunting to entering the campsite of death was sudden. Written as a novel, the pacing might have been a little more slower, focusing more on Sephira’s surprise and inner dialogue perhaps. More description, imagery, etc. Now I'm not sure if that was your intention, making this like a diary, but that's just the feeling I get. Also, of having Sephira just state her emotions, have her show it through her actions as well. After all, actions speak louder than words. You've done that for the most part, I can see, but just make sure to do that for all. Easy way to do that is to picture how someone looks like when they're angry (they start breathing heavily, hands clenched to their sides, gritting their teeth, etc).
I’m interested in the way that Stratus’ personality is blooming. At fist I saw him as a simple annoyance. That transgressed to him being a traitorous power-hungry jerk. It’ll be interesting to see what you plan to do with him next. Will he succeed in ruling the world or won't he? Ahh, cliffhangers...
Finally, some quick questions: What makes Star respond to certain whistle tones? In other words, how does she know that a low whistle means, “search for tracks”? Wouldn’t she have had to been trained for that first? And I take it you got that hallucination bit in ch.8 from the OoT manga, eh? *thumbs up*

All in all, this is an interesting, easy read, easy in the sense that you can follow through the plot line and not get lost. The story is simple yet intense and quite stirring. So I give it an 8 out of 10.



Also I confess that I lol’ed at the gerudo entry part. Does that make me a horrible person D:

[hyrulianblackcat]

Thanks for the opinion, Elliot! I'm mostly keeping details down, because I have a friend who wants to turn it into a magna and I want her to have some part in it. I guess it would be easier for her if I made it more detailed.
I'm mostly coming up with Strattus as I go. I'm trying very hard not to base him off my brother, but that's starting to be the way he's going. I don't know if I should keep doing it that way, or if I should just arrest that and turn it.

I tried to make it seem as though Sephira is trying hard to keep her emotions from showing. That's why it's just stated. I'll try harder to get into more detail on other people's emotions.

I should change that tracks part. But as for the rest, Star was taught to understand bird calls as some could mean danger. Since Sephira's whisltes can sometimes sound bird calls.
Yeah, I was trying to make it difficult for her to traverse the desert, and that was the only way I could think to do that.

[elliotk]

Oh, a manga huh? That's pretty cool! Be sure to have her post her work here if she wishes so that we can see this in all its illustrated awesomeness! I suppose if you wanted to leave it up to her imagination, you could give her less details, but of course, the risk to that is her drawing might not be quite up to par with the imagery that you have already pictured in your mind.
So if you're making Stratus up as you go along, does that mean you don't have this story entirely planned out and outlined? A pretty risky move (in that you risk putting your writing on a long hiatus if you get stumped with writer's block) but the positive to making it up as you go along is that you get more surprises and twists that way so it could be a lot more fun. So good luck with whatever you do, and most of all, enjoy writing ^^

[wdw4]

how else? use a spell or somthing!!!